By Adriane Dietrich
Lea’s transition began four years ago. After more than four decades, it had become clear to her what had been bubbling under the surface all that time. She offers insights into her own development and society’s responsibility towards members of the LGBTQ+ community.
Trott-war: I’m very excited to hear what you have to say. Before we get started, a simple but very important question: How are you?
Lea: I’m doing well! A lot has changed since back then. Above all, a lot of things have settled; four years ago, it was all new and different. I still didn’t know where all this was going to take me. I still don’t know, of course, but I have the feeling that I’m very much on the right track.
A lot of it probably has to do with the hormonal changes. When I started taking hormones, I didn’t notice anything at first. At a check-up three months later, they doubled the dose, and then I really felt a big change! I became calmer, more balanced and saw things differently from how I had before.
I had to deal with emotional turbulence, a bit like during puberty. Now that I’m suppressing the testosterone with testosterone blockers and adding oestrogen, I’m also seeing the physical effects of female puberty.
Do you think the hormones are what makes all the difference?
They play an important role, yes. But my family’s needs and demands are changing too, for example. My children are getting older. And there’s been another development in my job situation – a big change, but in the positive sense. I have to say, I was very hesitant before changing jobs, but I was introduced in an uncomplicated way. It was clear from the beginning that I’m a “she”, and no-one had a problem with that. The team is also very young – and then it’s just not a thing.
How do people react to you now? How is it with your colleagues?
I can take the application process for my new job as an example. I mentioned being trans because my status hasn’t been changed officially yet, so some of my documents are still under my old name.
I’d come out while still with my former employer. I prepared it in great detail and talked to people individually to find out how they would react and what questions would come up. Then I wrote a text explaining everything and shared it internally, with examples, videos and all sorts, to also say, “Hey, this isn’t something I’ve made up!”
It’s something that affects a lot of people. In my view, this thorough preparation was one of the reasons I was so well accepted. Visually, I hadn’t yet changed at all. I already had long hair – and then I just shaved off my beard. That was the only change. I then started very carefully with new clothes. What I wear now is also more cautiously feminine.
I feel good the way I am, and that’s the most important thing. Of course, I’d like to be seen as a trans woman, and I don’t kid myself that people perceive me as a cis woman. 90% of people aren’t even aware that trans people exist, so I can’t really expect to be seen as a woman. But most of the people I have direct contact with seem to think I’m a pretty nice person.
How do strangers react to you in public?
How I’m perceived in public is a totally different matter. What I’ve learned from all these processes is that you should see people as human beings. Don’t stare at people you don’t know! We all do that very subconsciously. But now, I myself get stared at the whole time, especially on public transport. I generally just keep reading or doing whatever I usually do when I’m out and about.
We communicate a lot visually. If I’d had my coming out at a conservative company with conservative customers, it would have been a catastrophe! Germany is a long way from employing trans people in service roles as a matter of course.
How do you see your role in relation to your children and, for example, their school environment?
Not much has changed there as I’m still the person I always was. My children don’t see me any differently. They were still relatively young when I explained it to them. At school, I communicated very quickly and openly, so it wasn’t ever a big deal there, either. Fortunately, it’s a very open school.
Do you think the children will question the idea of a “father role” one day?
No, I don’t think so. They don’t know any different. I don’t know what they’d be missing. Of course, there’s a difference if a child has two mothers, or two fathers. But it’s also different if they’re brought up by a single parent, and no-one questions that. How can a child say what’s more important? A child doesn’t know if there’s something missing, because if you’re not aware of something, you don’t miss it. It’s like when I’m asked what it’s like to be trans. Then I say, “No idea. I don’t know what it’s like to be cis.”
I like being the person I am. I like being trans and I’m happy with how it’s turned out, in spite of everything, even though, for a long time, I didn’t know what was going on, and the 40 years were really hard. It’s because of those 40 years that I’m here now. It was a journey that led to a goal.
These days, there are many initiatives and organisations that support trans people. Do you see them as important?
With regard to queer children and teens, I think it’s important to have organisations and points of contact so that questions can be answered properly from the start. They don’t immediately advise having gender-affirming surgery, as some might imagine. These are places that offer advice on topics that still aren’t covered sufficiently in the mainstream.
The witch hunts by populist groups are totally unfounded. We’re already beginning to see that trans and queer people in the U.S. can expect reprisals. I think it’s awful and I’m very concerned. Trans and queer people don’t do any harm and should be able to live how they want.
Do we still need more education around this?
Definitely! That’s very important! I do what I can, such as giving this interview. Just to be clear: I am what I am because this is how I came into the world, not because I suddenly wanted to live like a woman. It’s natural. When I was trying to live like a man, it felt wrong.
It’s important that people who completely reject otherness understand that you don’t actively decide to be trans or have an illness that can be healed. People need to get informed. It’s a shame that many are ignorant and uninterested.
It’s important to educate them, but of course that can only happen if they’re open to it. It’s a difficult thing to do. It’s still crucial that even more people in this situation tell their stories, because that’s the only way others can really grasp it. The media also needs to be more sensitive about this issue. Well-meant articles often only make a half-hearted attempt at informing people, or get it completely wrong. If it says, “He’s now a woman!”, that’s simply not true. Because as a trans woman you’re born a woman.
People also tell me I’m harming my children. But it would do so much more damage if I kept following the “fixed idea” of living as a man. Unfortunately, I’m often made to feel that I’m strange and not made for this world. These days, we live in a society in which physical differences between men and women are pretty much irrelevant – in theory! In practice, women are still treated as the “weaker” sex.
Of course, we can’t bring in a pluralistic society from one day to the next, or even within 10 years. But we’re actually on the right track at the moment. Unfortunately, not everything went as well as it could have with the new Self-Determination Act – but at least it was a step in the right direction.
Translated from German by Jane Eggers
Courtesy of Trott-war / INSP.ngo
